Don't know why

So Christmas Eve has arrived. The presents have been wrapped, the tree is up and decorated, cards sent and food bought. I'm all set (apart from a little housework). I should be full of festive cheer, but sadly I don't feel festive.

I'm struggling to put my finger on the reason why. I'm surrounded by my children and my husband is on leave until 27th. But yet I feel like something or someone is missing.

Some people may think I'm being selfish, I'm trying, I really am. Christmas songs are playing in the background we've made plans for tonight and yet I just feel like crawling back under the duvet and having a weep about..... Well I don't really know.

We all have roles to play, Daughter, Sister, Mother, friend. Each role involves performing specific duties. Over the festive period I'm sure I'll carry out all the duties expected. I'll cook, clean, smile and laugh etc

Sometimes I struggle to understand how I fit into all this. The real me doesn't know who she is. I feel lost and confused, I'm at a cross roads and don't know which route to take.

Im not about to do anything drastic but I do need to do something for me.

But I suppose for now, I'll go do the washing up.