We made it, 2013 is here

Happy New Year!!

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowan fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary fitt,
Sin' auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right gude-willie-waught,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

So let's talk money

I've said previously that I wanted 2013 to be the year we pay off our overdraft and credit card debt (overpaying the mortgage can wait until we have savings).

Since discovering Queen Frugal's blog back in May I have made slight adjustments. Froogs is such an inspiring role model, if I achieve half of what she has I'll be a happy woman.

I no longer have a tumble dryer, I've turned town the thermostat on the central heating and try and make do and mend. This year is the first time I've made Christmas gifts and also refrained from exchanging Birthday and Christmas presents with my OH.

Thankfully the OH is on board to help reduce our debt. On paper we should have enough money to clear our debts by January 2014 and have a small pot for a rainy day.

Tomorrow is the day I'll sit down and dissect our finances. I have an extra account there to save along with some glass jars for everyday spending. I already know that if I use cash instead of plastic the value of money is more real.

Bills will be paid, a strict budget for fuel and food will be decided, along with a budget for children's shoes, home DIY and car repairs etc. I don't go to the hair dressers, my credit card has been cut up, the new moto is 'if I don't need it, I'm not buying it'.

Before I collate all the information and formulate a plan, I know one of our biggest expenditure is on takeaways. Not because we particularly enjoy them, more out of pure laziness.
We have no excuse, I consider myself to be a good cook. I bake bread, make meals from scratch and always manage to cook something from the store cupboard. I need to utilise my skills more.

One barrier I need to overcome is the OH's need to have a cooked breakfast every day. I don't mind cooking, it's the cost. Bacon, sausage and eggs are not as cheap as they used to be. OH when on shift, functions better if his breakfast is like a kings, dinner like a prince and supper like a paupers. Hopefully to reduce our food budget he will eat a non meat breakfast on his days off.

I will batch cook and use my slow cooker more. I promise to save my left overs and have them for tomorrows lunch. I know I can do this, I just need to get organised.

Hopefully the car will only be used for necessary journeys and I will stop buying magazines and books.

Tomorrow I will post my strict yet achievable budget, but until then I'm off to drink wine and enjoy good conversation with good friends.

Christmas Part 2

Well my family descended on me today for our Christmas meal.
My Mum, Brother, Sister in law and nephew arrived to share good food, good conversation and most importantly make good memories.

My day started by prepping the veg. I had already decided on carrot and suede mash, sprouts with bacon, braised red cabbage, honey roasted parsnips and roast potatoes.

For the meat I'd purchased a four bird roast from Aldi. I'd never had it before but friends have raved about it.

So once I'd cleaned the kitchen, prepared the veg and put the bird in the oven I treated myself to some me time.

This involved a lovely hot bubble bath and music playing in the background. I was also slightly cheeky and replied to some emails.

Time alone with the bubbles allowed my mind to drift. As mentioned in previous posts I've felt rather 'down' recently. But after lots of soul searching, reading inspiring blogs and chatting to my 'perfect stranger' I'm feeling more positive.

Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the meal, plates where cleaned and leftovers placed into containers for meals over the next few days. My brother had provided dessert in the form of apple pie and custard.

After pots of tea and lengthy conversations about Christmas past, we said our goodbyes. I probably won't see my brother again before New Year, but he's only been home a couple of hours and we've exchanged text messages.

My Mum went home with a full belly, a doggy bag with her supper and a smile.
She spent Christmas in Hampshire with my Sister, two nieces and nephew. Thankfully this trip as left her with smiles not sadness.

For the last 26 years my Mum has battled with depression. I've seen the highs and the very lows. But that is another blog.

So Christmas part 2 was a success, we survived.

Now all my celebrating is done, tomorrow I will pack away my decorations and return them to the cupboard above the stairs and prepare the house for 2013.

A breakthrough

Today there was a break in the clouds.

I made a start on simplifying my life and I feel so much better for it.

After reading several blogs, they inspired me to make the change I need. I feel liberated, confident and motivated enough to start.

There are several things that hopefully will map out themselves out. I don't need to worry just yet. So for now they can take a back burner. I must concentrate on the things I need to change now.

My kitchen (the heart of my house) is now more orderly and I instantly feel relieved. I forget how much better I feel when I can potter in there. One day I will get my dream kitchen, but for now I will settle for my little haven. I've cleaned cupboards, organised shelves, rearranged furniture. Hopefully I'll get chance to whitewash the walls to freshen it up, but for now my children's art work continues to smile back at me. The framed paintings hung on the walls or drawings pinned on the fridge, they all have a story, a memory.

The biggest challenge I faced today was letting go of a toxic friendship. I have known my friend for almost three years. I love them dearly and have sacrificed lots to make them happy. However in times of need when I have turned for help, they have been too busy. The friendship is one sided... me giving and them taking.
So today we had a heart to heart. The end result will now be a quick hello/goodbye in passing. Yes it saddens me but I need friends that give as well as take. For too long I've been there for people, which I don't mind as long as they return the favour.

Hopefully each day I will do something, big or small that will help make my life easier.

Lets be honest

Lets be honest, are we truly happy with our lives?

Well here I go, I'm not. I am thankful for my life, but I'm not truly happy.

For the past few weeks I have been slightly off key. I've continued doing what I always do, wash, cook, clean etc but I'm not happy.

I want to be honest, I'm miserable with certain aspects of my life.

My job: I am grateful I have paid employment. Thousands of people would love to have my job.
But I hate it, the job is fine and my colleagues are great, apart from my boss. I'm his PA. Several months ago he made a pass at me. I brushed it off, told him I wasn't interested. But he still makes my skin crawl. The way he looks at me, the innuendos, I want out. I don't get any job satisfaction and I know my skills would be best suited elsewhere.

My marriage: yes I love my OH. But I'm unhappy. I feel unappreciated. I know he loves me, but it's not enough. We entered a partnership. Yet it seems like all the work has been delegated to me. I know he works hard but so do I.
I'm not asking for hearts and flowers, but support would be nice.

Being a parent: it's so consuming. My girls are wonderful. They're bright, smart, courteous, kind and absolutely beautiful. But motherhood is so..... tiring. I don't really get any support from family, so childcare is a big issue. I really miss not having any real time for me. Work used to be my escapism but since the issue with my boss, I don't want to go.

My health: mainly my weight and fitness level. Until I had my daughters I was always comfortable in my skin. I was far from skinny but I was fit and healthy. I piled the pounds on with both pregnancies and never really lost it. I know there are no real excuses. Yes I don't have the time or money to join a gym. But when I do have spare time, I want to read a book, listen to music or just sleep. I know this needs to change. I need to make time for exercise. My diet needs to be evaluated too. I don't eat enough or at regular times. When I do eat I tend to grab junk.

My home: having two children, a dog and two cats it's never going to be spotless, I accept that. However there are areas that need to be sorted. Our spare room needs to be de cluttered and painted. The girls need to swap beds from their junior beds to proper single beds. My kitchen needs painting. The tiles need to be laid in the bathroom. I need a shed in my garden... The list seems endless. There is very little cost involved (apart from the shed) its time. Time I just don't seem to have.

I feel like standing in a huge field and screaming. I want to shout, scream, cry. I know I have lots to be grateful for and there are thousands who are worse off. But this is my life and I'm unhappy. I'm trying to stay positive but everything feels so consuming. I really don't know where to start.

Today was supposed to be about getting back to normal. I had planned to take the decorations down, get the washing done, clean the kitchen. Instead I'm sat here in my PJ's with no motivation.

I suppose I achieved one thing, I was honest.

A time to remember

Today will be the last time in 2012 we will spend all day as a family. The OH returns to work tomorrow, and his next Rest Day is New Years Day.

Being a Police Officer is definitely a lifestyle choice and is a job like no other.

Spending the day snuggled on the sofa watching Disney DVDs and family classics, it's a sobering reminder that there are a number of families who won't get chance to do that this year. Not because their loved ones are on duty, but because they sadly died in service this year.

There will be one less stocking to hang and one less place to set at the dinner table.
Christmas is a time to spend with your nearest and dearest, a time to make lasting memories. Instead this year it will be a time to reflect on Christmas past.

We are never guaranteed tomorrow. Live
for today and always tell your loved ones how special they are.

Don't take each other for granted, you never know if you will get the opportunity to tell them again.

Christmas 2013

Yes, that correct next Christmas....

After a wonderful day spent with family, eating, laughing and exchanging gifts. It has made me think ahead for next year 2013.

This next few days leading up to New Year will be spent reflecting on 2012 and setting goals for 2013.

After receiving some lovely homemade gifts I promise to be more organised for next Christmas. This will involve setting up a monthly budget, shop through out the year and making as many gifts as possible.

Although I have adopted some frugal ways, 2013 will be the year we take control of our finances (pay off our credit card, increase savings).

I will get my home, mind, health and career in order too.

My home will be de cluttered room by room. I will stay organised and set up a solid routine to help keep the house clean and tidy. (The girls will also play a big part in this).
I will paint the Kitchen (new cupboards and flooring will have to wait) and organise the spare bedroom. This will also involve doing some painting.

By doing the above I know it will help my mind set. I get stressed and restless quite easy when my home is untidy.

2013 is the year I finally lose the extra lbs I've been carrying. I know I can do it. I need to ensure my health is tip top and losing some weight will aide this. I may even train for the Heaton Park 5/10k run. It's something I've always wanted to do, just so I can tick it off my bucket list.

This is the year I will also return to education. Long term I want to retrain as a nurse but I've been informed I need to complete some recent study to enable me to get onto the degree course I want.

Returning to Education will also result in changing work. I will need to find employment that is flexible and fits in with college/husbands shifts and childcare. Yes it's going to be a difficult 2013/2014 academic term, but I will do it.

I promise I will only buy things if I need them and not because I just want them.
The OH and I will have to get out of the mentality "we deserve it". Yes we probably do but priorities 1st. Get rid of our debt (eventually over pay mortgage) start saving and have holidays instead of stuff.

I can envisage this next 12 months to be tough, but it will be worth it when I sit back and reflect.